Now most people wouldn't title a blog new beginnings when it is about the same place that they have been the past year, but for me this year is different.  Last year I came into cross season having taken 2 weeks off for a missions trip to peru.  Now, don't get me wrong that trip was extremely inspiring and I wouldn't have rather done anything different that summer.  

So why is this year different?  This year is different because of a few things; I am older, stronger, more experience, better prepared, and I have a new mindset/confidence about this year.  I feel that this year is going to be different, and it already has been.  Running isn't just a part of my life anymore, it really is my life and I don't know what I would do without it.  However running doesn't run my life, how I feel is not directly related to running, well at least not all the time.  I have learned that stressing too much on how I feel, the day of a workout or race just makes the day all that much worse.  Worrying is a very useless emotion, it gets us nowhere.

Runners tend to be very big worriers, or at least I had been in the past.  But worrying about something we can't control is pointless.  Worrying about how we feel, what the weather is like, how good the guy standing next to us is.  All of that just messes around with our minds, and I got caught up in that kind of stuff last year.  This year I have learned that I need to focus on what I have done, on what I am capable of, and go out and do it, regardless of what I feel.  Now I will not always have an on day, but the least I can do is give everything I have on that given day and not worry about the results.  

The last point is especially true when working for a team, it doesn't matter how you feel or what the weather is like, you need to go out and give everything you have for the man standing next to you in the same uniform because you know they are going to do the same for you (at least thats what a good teammate will do).  I think this is why our team did so poorly last year.  No one was willing to pull for each other and everyone ran alone.  

I underline alone because in running that can be a very scary thing.  When you are out on a course and you feel alone, then what is there to work for?  And you do not have to have a team to have something to pull for.  Everyone should have a goal, something to shoot for, that way they are not running aimlessly.  You can be the best runner in the world or someone just starting out, but everyone should set goals.  I had none last year, and I faltered because of it.  I thought I had goals, but it turned out that they were shallow and had no depth or meaning to them.  One could almost say my goals were selfish.  I wanted to prove to people that I was good, that I wasn't a normal freshman, but in the end I became exactly what I didn't want to be, I fell short of my goals and was alone, no one supporting me, and many people being disappointed especially my coach.  

This year is different, I have goals, goals that are not shallow or empty.  This year I have support; support from teammates, from friends, family, my coach, and most importantly God who is always there for me.  Thats what is so different about this year, when I say I am older I am older in my relationship with the lord, when I say I am stronger I am stronger in my relationship with the Lord, when I say I am more experienced it means I have fallen and God has picked me up, when I say I have confidence I have confidence that no matter what happens out there on the cross country course... God Still Loves Me!!!!  And that is all that really matters.

I know many people who read this may not believe in God, and thats ok, I'm not forcing anyone to believe, that decision is between you and God.  I can pray that what I write impacts lives, the truth is I may never know, but doing nothing is worse than having tried and failed, because i know that I have done my job.

(P.S. I sort of just write these without prior thought, so what comes out is what is inside my heart at the moment, I sometimes surprise even myself with what comes out)

Also congrats to Ryan and Ritz on a great finish in the Marathon, they are both inspirations and I can't wait to see what happens in 2012!!!

-Jake